Phuong

6746

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:02:37 GMT

11/13/08

Mood: okay..

Cranking:nothing.

Missing: Bryan and playing twilight princess

Hearting:Bryan and TP

Last Update:

New tep layout. Tell me what you guys think XD

and yeah; life is okay for me now. My mum actually called me today and yesterday. She wants me to go to college. I'm so unsure of myself there. I wonder. And also I've gotten fired at Walgreens. I'm not sad really. I hated that place. and Besides it was time to move on..

i could tell. I am ready for bigger and better things ^^

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<abby');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<abby'); </script></a>

Layout

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 04:47:09 GMT

<head>

<title>v. Secrets..Secrets</title><style />
/*

LAYOUT BY: DREAMLESS-ILLUSIONS.CA/FTW
CODING & CSS BY: DREAMLESS-ILLUSIONS.CA/FTW
BRUSHES AND IMAGE CREDITS CAN BE FOUND @ THE SITE
MAIL ME IF ANYTHING! BEC XXO

#f1{border-left:1px solid #c0c0c0;border-right:1px solid #c0c0c0;border-bottom:1px solid #c0c0c0;border-top:1px dashed #CC1729;background:#ffffff;filter: alpha(opacity=70);opacity:.7;}
.z1{font-family: garamond;font-size: 11pt;background-color:#404040;color:#00BBAD; text-align:center;border-bottom:#00BBAD 2px solid;display:block;height:18px;letter-spacing:1px;height:8px;line-height:6pt;border-top:5px #ffffff solid;}

font,td,p,xmp,u,body,.content,div,table{color#652C00:; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:; text-align:;text-transform:lowercase;text-decoration:none;}
#bl,#if,#kr,#st{position:absolute;}
#kr{height:519px;width:947px;top:0px;left:0px;visibility:visible;}
#st{left:270px;top:435px;width:341px;background:none;}
#if{left:133px;top:312px;width:130px;background:none;text-align:none}
#bl{left:625px;top:435px;width:170px;background:none;text-align:none}

body{background-color:#E1DFDF;}

a.nav {color: #404040; background: #ECE8E8; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:; text-align:center; display:block;border-bottom:4px #ffffff solid;}
a.nav:hover{color:#ffffff; background:#ffffff; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:; text-align:center; display:block;border-bottom:4px #ffffff solid;}
b {color: #210104;}
i {color: #C16E4E;}
u {color: #245854;}

a {color:#242555; background:; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:;}
a:hover {color: #fffffff; background:#ffffff; border-bottom: #404040 dotted 0px; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; cursor:;}
a.nav {color: #404040; background: #ECE8E8; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:; text-align:center; display:block;border-bottom:4px #ffffff solid;}
a.nav:hover{color:#ffffff; background:#ffffff; font-family: century gothic; font-size: 7pt; line-height:; text-align:center; display:block;border-bottom:4px #ffffff solid;}
</head>
</style />
<img src="http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/2223/krnq9.png" id="kr">

<div id="if"><div id="f1">
Friends
<a href="http://little-ambiguousangel.blogspot.com/">Mamizu</a>,
<a href="http://outragedhope.tainted-paradise.com/">Tessa</a>,
<a href="http://profiles.blogdrive.com/Akkiko">My Profile</a>, <a href="http://london2.blogdrive.com/">My Story</a>, <a href="http://www.moonlit.org.uk/robespierre/fanlisting/">Maxime fanlisting</aa>
<a href="http://dreamless-illusions.ca/ftw" class="nav">FTW DESIGNS</a>

</div>

<div id="f1">
Phuong
is the personal blog of Ayumi Mizota. Here she spills her inner most secrets..and
flames..and rants as well as vents..^.^ all of life while she tries to figure that out..lol

</div></div>

<div id="bl"><div id="f1">
Love
<img src="http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/742/22344qe6.jpg">
&hearts;bf for a year and three months :D and the love of my life:
Patrick Bryan Easley :D.

</div>

<div id="f1">
The girl

the princess/jacobin/outcast/ and gf &hearts;
.

</div></div>

11/07/08

Mood:tired..

Cranking:Sailor Moon Stars.

Missing: Bryan and Nichole *sobs*

Hearting:Bryan and stuff..>.> 
Last Update:

ahhh i've been weird these last past weeks..but that's to be expected. Shit. I talked to Bryan. And he's working extra jobs. I wonder what for..hmmmm..and i'm not sure if i'm on the schedule to work..tomorrow..or sunday..oh well. I did save my job..*sweatdrop*

oh at least Bryan still loves me ^^ i can be happy because of that. and that twit Karen has a bf..thank god. but everyone else is sad. No one else has anyone..oh well.

just updating! and i'm thinking of getting hosted too..

what do you guys think?

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<abby');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<abby'); </script></a>

10/23/08

Mood:hungry and tired..

Cranking:Bond of sea and Fire.

Missing: Bryan

Hearting:Bryan and stuff..>.> 
Last Update:

Sorry for not updating. Just been extremely busy..O.O i'm working alot more which is good but i hate it.-_- i rather be lazy..hahah XD nothing much on my front; except dealing with Karen..

Gawd. I have enough issues to deal with..ARGH! i'm not dealing with some fucking brat teenager who's immature..>.> 
 
 
and my family is just crazy. My cousin Jessie and Calais(her baby) are staying over because Jessie got into a fight with her bf..*sighs* what is wrong with the fucking world?

and Dave has been sick..but he's better! xd I worried very much about him; and now possibly Bryan. I know my guy is just a busy bee but i worry about him. That's a good way to kill yourself..-_- and <s>i kind of love him-</s> I love him. Period. xd I just miss. This distance is bad. Maybe i could find out where he lives and go to find him..and visit him XD

well my computer is busted and i'm using this laptop which isn't mine..-_-
well enjoy this.

my update XD

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<abby');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<abby'); </script></a>

</div>

</div></div>

<a href="

my friend Ann finally her baby on the 30th; and it's been awhile..but it was crazy honestly...everyone was there waiting for Ann to have Lilly but that little girl was stubborn as a bell. And on the 30th; as soon as we left...near 6:30 ..Ann was going into labor.

we were all pissed.

but all tired since most didn't sleep at all; and if we did sleep it wasn't too much. those waiting room couches were horrible to sleep on. so i didn't even try. but we did a alot to keep ourselves awake and that involved bugging each other. it was fun.

i'm glad that i left and went there; i was so happy; am still so happy about Ann an d little Lilly. She's so cute; and sleeps alot.
besides that joy..i haven't still felt anybetter..

again..i'm skipping meals. i don't know why; but i am. i'm just not hungry anymore..
i guess it's my depression or whatever..

and i was upset about Bryan though. But i found he was trying to send me messages and i can't recieve them for some odd reason. i talked to him last nite; i was highly upset. i didn't know if he was leaving me hanging..though i wouldn't dare consider that somehow..

but he was pissed. and i realized that i would never go to college...that i can never do those things that they all can do. I can't do it. I can't seem to bring myself out of this mindset..>.> it sucks really. and my friend Andrew is crushing on me.

though myheart only belongs to Bryan..

O.o
this is just so weird. perhaps i'll get much thinner by the time he comes around for THanksgiving holiday? i can only hope. we're keeping in contact and that all matters..

I don't doubt it.

and soon i'll have anew layout here made by my friend..can hardly wait about that ^^ WHOOHOO! but yeah i know..long entry but i have so much to say ....^^ i thought merely he wasn't telling me; because he was trying to be mean..but that didnt' sound like him..

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<farawaydreams');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<farawaydreams'); </script></a>

10/08/08

Mood:content..

Cranking:Tomba Music.

Missing: Bryan

Hearting:Bryan

alot has happened in only 7 days..or rather a few days ago..but whatever. it has been something. AB was finally killed last week and Maddie kindly made us a new board at DL; though it makes no sense to me; but it does now.

it was sad; and also Karen who was my friend apparently was only using me to get to Bryan..>.> she's 16. she's way TOO young for him. it is a crime for her even to try;

and also i found another little fan of mine.. Andrew aka Dragon Anubis. He likes me apparently; but i have no thoughts or eyes for no one but Bryan. but it has been interesting i won't lie. and i got a new bed as well ^^

and speaking of that..i'm sleeping well again ^^ no more nightmares or anything. that's awesome i must say..mwahha XD and a new layout is coming. My friend Norn is coding it for me. XD you'll be amazed.

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<farawaydreams22');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<farawaydreams22'); </script></a>

another new thing

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:27:53 GMT

09/23/08

Mood:a bit sad..

Cranking:watching Sailor Moon R.

Missing: Bryan

Hearting:Bryan

Last Update:

it's true...he's gone. He left yesterday for St. Louis; and we talked. Isn't that grand?
but i'm really sad..really. really. I miss him tons; but i know this is for the best. He won't have his mum over his shoulder and he can be a cop. ^^ though i want to think he's lying about leaving. I guess i want to believe he's still here somehow. He might not be, but i want to believe that somehow.

maybe i'm just having a hard time accepting this......

that could be it. I believe in us and i believe in him. I'm not worried about his loyalty..or what he's up against. He's truly in love with me and wouldn't dare..
oh well..oh well..

I miss him lots..

*sobs*

at least we can be in contact with each other without any fear. ^^ or hindrance.
i love my sweetheart to deathies ^^

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<faraway');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<faraway'); </script></a>

09/20/08

Mood:okay....

Cranking:Within You from labyrinth.

Missing: Bryan and food ^^

Hearting:Bryan

Last Update:

it's been awhile hasn't it? i've decided to keep this layout for a little longer. Though
that is unsual but i love it too damn much! anyhow, a lot has happened to me..
and it's been odd too. No longer can i go over and visit Bryan; his mum has put a stop to that. I was sure myself last monday. but whatever.

he still doesn't have his call nor his cellfone but apparently he's going to St. Louis on a scholarship. I'm happy but that completely shocked me.

but i'm happy that he's leaving his mum's house.she's nothing but trouble, always trying to control him and that's no good. But hell, i'm happy even if i don't know the full details of it.
i'm just happy.but it won't be until a few months that he leaves.

and i'm trying to hang out with him on his birthday or before it. I got him the cutest gift ever. anyhow..and i've been sick for awhile..at least since Friday; my cousin came over this last week where everyone at her household had the stomach flu. and i got it. today should be the last day of my ordeal..hopefully..

i didn't even go to work either. I wouldn't of made it anyhow. oh well.

i hope it all goes well. lol..

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<birthday');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<birthday'); </script></a>

warphole

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 19:17:05 GMT

08/20/08

Mood:blah!..

Cranking:Uptown girl by Billy Joel..

Missing: Bryan and my sanity ..

Hearting:Bryan..

Last Update: ^_^ well i saw him today..i'm soo fucking happy..I CAN'T HARDLY BELIEVE IT! yes and i have pics of his crazy self..it's soo funny..i honestly didn't believe i'd see him today..but i did! Luck actually pulls me through and i was totally esactic(sp)
and when i did get to hug onto him.. I didn't let go..and boy how i feel when i was in his arms..but he was really tired and hadn't forgotten about my birthday! He got me a model toy 1963 Corevette yet he doesn't have a car either.. but I MISS HIM NOW!
my heart is swirly..i love it =) he tried to come over to my party but couldn't because his mum is stalin..but he was happy.. and i got play around with him..=)

though i haven't been feeling quite good..ive been trying to feel better..though it is hard myself. Honestly it is. and aunt Benita saved me.. wheeeeeeee only partially..and i got a sunburn again and he promised to talk to me more..=) how did i fall in love with the sweetest man ever?
anyhow..totally lost my cool and totally lost myself. Cried repeatedly..maybe i did want to cry when i saw him again..slammed doors when i got home. laid in my bed...and i was made to remember what is most important..SCHOOL! SCHOOL and if i have to do it..then i should do it for myself then do it for Aunt Benita as well..trying to play Xenosaga 2 because again..Bryan wants to know if i GOT on his game yet..lmao.. he always ask that.. i guess being an outcast isn't so bad

at least i have my dear lover to join me in that ranks.. GOD I HATE MY DEPRESSION! but yeah..i'm a live..and WILLING TO KILL..jk of course..i feel that bad..i might even have OCD..@_@ i wouldn't be amazed nor surprised. lol but yeah..
that is my super big rant enjoy..and maybe i'll stop hating myself..whatever..such bs.. but yeah..^_^ i'm lucky to be loved like i am

Ayumi

1 vote

Comments

09/01/08

Mood:happy..

Cranking:Anthems of a 17 year old girl by BSS..

Missing: Bryan ..

Hearting:Bryan..

Last Update:
well.. bryan is being is usual cheery self. Lmao. He is still telling me he isn't good enough for me. it's annoying really. I told him repeatedly and i'll call him tomorrow..partly in wanting to hear his voice and talk to him regardless of what it is or was.
we'll be fine. I'm just so happy too much. just updating. I can't really say too much..=) i just miss him lots and can't wait to see him again and reassure him again. I love him too much for him to be stupid like he is..sometimes.. but hell

i must be some damn special person that he believes that about himself...i wonder why..calling him tomorrow.. ^^ and yes i'm alive..working all this week..*sighs*

Ayumi

2 votes

Comments

create me

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 21:04:42 GMT

08/06/08

Mood:depressed..

Cranking:Love Love Love by Epik High..

Missing: Bryan and Dave..

Hearting:Jonathan Crane..^_^..lmao..

Last Update: depressed..just bored..nothing to do anymore..but luckily i wrote a lot more..=) im soo happy..i managed to finish chapter 2 but im finding myself..missing him.. that's always a plus..still having nightmares and doubting people..again...my paranio(sp) is taking over..and any reason left in me..is insanely crazy..
I think i should be taken and strapped in..which sucks.. my reality is slowly slipping..and im sure to fucking notice it ... im uberly depressed..>.> now..and my eating habits haven't been stellar..i feel like im starving too much..and usually sometimes i can go without food...and i eat at weird times..and stay up all nite..and sleep all day..
Im starving myself again! and i purposely ignore my hunger! i can't explain why...>.> it just sucks honestly..I'll prolly die..and not having Bryan here to tell me..im not crazy doesn't help..i honestly miss him..so fucking much..no car..and no fone..>.> the only communication we have is internet..and email..geez..but why would he even bother? im screwed..
at least my birthday is coming up..^_^

Ayumi

Unrated

08/08/08

Mood:ubberly excited!..

Cranking:Bohemien Rhaspody by Queen..

Missing: Bryan ..

Hearting:Jonathan Crane..and the Dark Knight..=)lmao..

Last Update:

it's my birthday!

so happy birthday to me..and yes my weekend is going to be awesome..seeing the dark knight tonite..=) should be fucking great.. wheeeeeeeeeee my weekend should be even funnier..having a party sunday.. i turn 19 today..wheee

Ayumi

Unrated

Comments

love love

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 04:03:21 GMT

07/24/08

Mood:burning and..there ^>^..

Cranking:nothing..

Missing: Bryan..

Hearting: nothing..

Last Update:
grrr..went swimming yesterday..and that exhausted me..

O.O for 3 hours..3 frickken hours..but it was fun except i got sunburned again..

!(%*($%(*%^(*(%^*(^%*(^*(*%(*$(&(^#%&(*%$(&$%*&@%*&@

that pisses me off..lmao

but anyhow..haven't heard from Bryan..so i suppose he's working..alot..
at cleaning floors and crap..i bet he's ready to see me..^.^ and im turning 19 soon! SO YEAH! but i wonder what will happen this year..it's all different..as i can see..but i hope it turns out good somehow..im just hoping..lmao

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<youthereisbetter>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<youthereisbetter>'); </script></a>

07/17/08

Mood:lonely and missing..

Cranking:NO such thing by John Mayer

Missing: Bryan and Dave!..

Hearting: music..

Last Update:

geez..do i ever feel so lonely..been trying to talk to Bryan..and it hasn't worked..*sigh* i had a bad meltdown..this week..and doubt that he cared too much..geez
but yeah..

and his friend is so stupid..oh let me elobrate..lol i swear..the forum i am going to.the one he is on..the people are intolerable really. They are hypocrits..to the highest degree. and he was...wigging out..this last weekend..so was i..

bitches..
they have no idea..here i can flame..and i don't care..they are hypocrits..both Monty and JR..fucking bitches..and if i could..id both bitch slap them..for they need it. I swear..she thinks she's so better...with her conscending manner..it makes me sick..

AH!

geez..>.<

and it's lonely..and yes i do try to open up..but others pushme away..so i give up..and hide myself..

and im still upset at Bryan..for not at least telling me what was wrong..i hardly believe that bitch Jr to really of gone through what i have..or done what i done..

im still upset..that's why i haven't been eating..ive been depressed..

i have..
i mean..seriously..im his gf..geez..i should of went to my dad's this week..lol..but no matter..the house is being watched..lol..which is just so fucking creepy..lol

and i don't know when i'll see him..

in 3 weeks..it's my bday..and im afraid..he'll forget that..geez..bastards..

and our anniversary..geez..

our one year.

ive been crazy..because my period has been bothering me..all because i forgot to take my Yaz at the correct time.great.My pmdd just makes it all worse. Never felt that bad since..I was never on my BC. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr well i guess..
i see the hypocrits everywhere..and that's interesting..and..

his mum..hacking into his myspace..still hasn't unbanned me..gotta tell him to do that..he's slow to do anything like that..i feel completely ignored when she's around..like she's better than me.. oh well...
 
gotta figure out what i have to get him..

O.O
that should be fucking fun..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

should he really deserve something? i guess..i still love him..and he loves..but oh well..

he's been rather cold to me..since i left..Thursday.I swear..he's rite..he can't lie to me when im there..infront of him..oh well..i'll be patient..but at least explain why im hurt..

it stings a bit now..fading now..

but yeah..lol

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<youthere>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<youthere>'); </script></a>

reeal world

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:55:51 GMT

7/14/08

Mood:*sigh*..

Cranking:Stay By Lisa Loeb

Missing: Bryan..my fucking mind..

Hearting: nothing..

Last Update:

<h2> Happy Bastille Day!</h2>

but besides that..i haven't been very good..though i did see him..Thursday.it just made me realize how lonely i was..after i left..he always seems to do that to me..for some reason..*sighs*

and not stop thinking of him either..that really gets on my nerves..

but he's angsty..so what's new with that honesty? lol..i was particular angsty and less happy..because he's fucking crazy..

it is crazy just trying to keep up with him..

ive had my doubts before..and i have them now..im just a doubtful person..and that can't be helped..

i feel like im being used for what im good for..easing all that pain..

that is funny in some sense..lol

summer hasn't been good for me..he's losing his mind..i keep telling him..no peace will..come until he leaves..i think he knows that..and i can't stand to see him this way..

it breaks my heart..but what can i do? I do want to be in his life more..and he needs to trust me more..because..if we ever intend to stay ...together..more..then..i want that.

and it won't be easy..but..

but..

i understand he has a friend he can jump to..like me..but try..to try..try..

i know i won't get anything out of him..online or etc..i need to see him face to face. Thats how it is..

i hardly know what he's thinking anymore..or what he is feeling..

but i know what i feel..

now the fear of not being good enough for anyone..has penetrated my mind..i can't help it..

he may be wary of me..and i completely understand...im tiresome sometimes..

im not even sure..i can stay this time..with him..even if he wants it..

but..i wonder so much..that is hard..it is ridiclious that i can't hear his voice anymore..that i can't talk to him..i hardly have anyone to talk to..that could be why..im paranoid..now..and jealous..and suspicious..

i wonder..if he does miss me..

I wonder..these days..

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<you>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<you>'); </script></a>

7/06/08

Mood:grrrrr..

Cranking:nothing...>.>

Missing: Bryan

Hearting: his absence and presence

Last Update: geez..he was mad at me because he thought i didn't care when he lost his car. He was so upset..that his mum even threatened me..and without a car..i can't see him..but oh well..i shall try to see him monday..or this week..i have to..

he's so sad..

that it hurts me..>.>

so i have to go see him ..anyway his mother has Michelle Fever and thinks im everywhere..let her think that..i love it..^.^ i hardly think that she'd be there..

she doesn't give that much of a shit about him..

rar

but yeah..it is happy 11 months..and August is one year! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

but yeah..updating..fourth of july was fun..but sad..i didn't get a chance to be with him..*sad face*

oh well..

and i don't even think he's home this weekend..but i'll catch him this week for sure ^.^

yeah..it will be awesome! ^_^

i get to see him again...wheeeeeeeeee..

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<darkflowers2>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<darkflowers2>'); </script></a>

6/26/08

Mood:anxious but happy..

Cranking:Signal in the sky by Apples in stereo

Missing: Bryan

Hearting: his situation....

Last Update: worked last nite..but surprisely even as i had a great day at work..he was plagued with the occasional bad day..*sighs* and then..something happened..and i was worried about him all nite..

he called me..

just so upset..

crying..saying how he was so scared and that he was all i had..

I was flattered but surprised myself..but he's okay..but he's hurting..so i can't do anything for him..i wish..but he rather not let me see him..and also..NEW layout :D

though i'd go a bit darker..and i love this layout..lol..nothing other than last nite is on my mind..

but i rather not be bothered too much..though i worried..and am still worried..

and it was so scary to hear him that way..

i never want to hear him like that anymore..it just hurts my heart very much..and disturbs me greatly..but ....he'll be okay and there is a chance that he might come over this weekend ^.^ because he might not even go to his sister's..i'm happy..and excited but i won't count on it too much..until i know Friday from him..

but enjoy this new layout XD

i do..

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<darkflowers>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<darkflowers>'); </script></a>

rarara

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:55:02 GMT

6/23/08

Mood:upset

Cranking:Pain from Xenosaga

Missing: Bryan, a lot of other shit..inbetween

Hearting: nothing..

Last Update:

Yes the date went off very well..but always at a price..

and when it was over...I felt that overwhelming sadness..

you see..beyond him.no one else bothers me..

>.<

or even checks out to see if i'm a live.

I feel fucking pathetic..I feel that..

I just can't deal with this..I can't...it is bullshit..I'm just so fucking lonely..and i'm afraid this is my life..as i can't find anything in it..I'm afraid this is how empty I am..I don't want that..and i hate everyone..it doesn't matter..

no one cares for me..this is my whole fucking summer..then if this is..i don't want to exist..who does? who wants to be neglected over again? who does?

My parents hate me..everyone fucking hates me..

and i fucking deserve it...

I do..I'm a horrible person to start off with..

and how can i make him happy? or myself? No way.NO way.of course..>.< I'm justso fucking miserable..and i can't change anything..It hurts that everyone hates me..i pretend it doesn't..but it does..

and how can i ever honor what Heather's life meant? How can i survive te numbered these days? I can't do it..hardly anyone knows me..and they sit and judge..I'm too young..i'm too everything..and it sucks..i have no real friends..

fuck this..

>.<

I hate everyone..

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<starsglowglow>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<starsglowglow>'); </script></a>

6/21/08

Mood:happy

Cranking:random music on Itunes

Missing: Bryan, sleep

Hearting: tomorrow :D..

Last Update:

got no sleep because nikki called me last nite..and was crying..geez..and all of my caring..it is crap..>.>

she's having relationship troubles.and knowing me.i swear.

rar...other than that..

*smiles*

tomorrow..after work..i get to see him..and all i have to do is get through this one nite..lol but that is no problem..he's changed..and i can't seem to fathom how..

it surprises me greatly but whatever..>.< I actually love this..all of his affection that he lavishes on me..it is better than anything else..lol

but it should be fun..we are seeing Don't mess with the Zohan. it looks fucking hiliarious..lol.i can't wait..but i'm happy just to see him..=)

that is all i care for really..but yeah..other than that..it is the greatest..lol

just updating.i'm not dead though...I don't wish to be.lol

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<starsglow>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<starsglow>'); </script></a>

6/16/08

Mood:errr..okay

Cranking:Kakusei heroism by An Cafe

Missing: Bryan

Hearting: nothing..

Last Update:hello...though i wouldn't be a in a great mood..too much had happened..lol..>.< i worked this weekend..and it was crazy because it was fucking father's day..and if it is not noted..my dad is fucking worthless..as my mother is.

i have useless parents..that i don't do anything for me..

*cough*

anyhow..

been worried about Bryan..he called me today..and i was relieved but he told me he had a bad weekend..which seems odd to me..lol..though i wish his mom worked on weekends..and i could stay with Bryan..:) but i worked that particular day..lol..

but i could of came back..but..yeah..other things just halted that desire almost..but i'm seeing if this next weekend on sunday..we can go out to eat..or go to the movies..i want to do something with him..with my money given by my dad..from graduation..XD

just updating really..and how i fucking hate hallmark holidays..lol

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<stars>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<stars>'); </script></a>

6/13/08

Mood:Happy :D

Cranking:Jiyuu e no shoutai by L'arc

Missing: Bryan

Hearting: so many things..lol

Last Update:new new layout!

WHEEEEEEEEEE

like finally right? Yeah it seems that things in my life are going more smoothly now..and i'm grateful for that..though i have to get used to being alone during the summer..lol

but i can't really be alone..you know?

though..i work a lot more now..

but i love this layout..and apparently all of my problems with Bryan is fixed..thank goodness..i was starting to worry..and give up..but i swear somethings don't want me to..like god..maybe? too many times i tried to end it and all i got was nothing of sorts..

but i am thankful..:D

though..yeah..just updating for the sake of it..life is extremely good now..and it can only get better =)

Ayu

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<Lookatme>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<Lookatme>'); </script></a>

newnew

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:01:38 GMT

6/11/08

Running like I always do..

Mood:sad but happy..

Cranking:love song by sara bareilles

Missing: Bryan

Hearting: my heart..and his heart :D

Last Update: yeah.i was rather depressed and pissed..>.< but it is better now..i talked to him yesterday,,rather i spent the nite with him..last nite..and it was just so glorious..lol

boy was i ever surprised that he actually waited for me..and when i did come.he was asleep! but he reminded me again.of my heart..and of my feelings towards him..

and somehow..i brighten up his day.XD

i was his up..for the day..and possibly forever..>.< LOL!

now i miss him..

i wonder now how it would mean..if..?

i miss him..now..now i can't stop thinking about him..i rather liked to wake up to him every morning even if he did in fact needed to go to work. He called in yesterday to spend all day with me. he slept all day..i slept next to him..every so often..which was a lot..

I miss him..and won't ever stop thinking about him...

i won't..:D

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<lightbeamstwice>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<lightbeamstwice>'); </script></a>

6/09/08

Running like I always do..

Mood:depressed

Cranking:hemisphere by maaya sakamoto

Missing: Bryan and my life

Hearting: music :D

Last Update:

upset at everyone..i hate those bastards...including Bryan..they are going to leave me hanging again..for all of summer and possibly eternity..that fucking sucks..i have no real friends..nor do i love anyone that much to be debased that much...

already i feel the sadness of summer..coming..i fear i won't ever do anything..>.<

nor see anyone ever again..i'm mad at Bryan..already he has pissed me off..i feel like giving up...he has made me feel like like shit..seriously..>.< i'm not that good enough for anyone .........geez..

he can't love anyone..not with his fucking busy schedule..reminds me of my dad..and you know what the means..>.< rarely ever seeing or talking to him

great..i need that more in my life..i have it once..do i need it again?

i mean seriously..i'm not trying to make a big fuss but...those are my feelings..geez...then like always..everyone will care when it's my bday..fucking bastards..can't you tell im in a good mood? i want to cry..

the loneliness is enough for me to reevulate myself..as a person..i mean seriously if i died..who would know and care? I want to die young in order to show them..that i don't have that many days..my days like everyone else is numbered..and they will be fucking bastards when i die too...

lying about me..THEY HARDLY KNEW ME! and if Vicki wasn't Bryan's mum..and my mum wasn't mine..I'd fucking kick their asses..i seriously..i don't fight often..if never..but i'd do it..>.<

so much shit for no reason..

i hate fighting..but i'd kick their asses..they deserve it..

but i can't.i still have to be so formal as they harasse me and try to tell me who I am!

FUCKING BASTARDS!

i should just dump his ass..and just date not to be so lonely..i can do that..and marry..and date for no love..who needs love? seriously..

>.< I HAVEN'T seen him in 3 weeks now...fucking great..I'll never see him again..he doesn't have time for me..no one does..

I hate them all..

Ayumi

<a href="javascript:HaloScan('<lightbeamstwice>');" target="_self"><script type="text/javascript">postCount('<lightbeamstwice>'); </script></a>